If going to the gym and a living a healthy lifestyle were easy tasks, we would all be walking around in sports bras and short shorts. Truth is, I feel most comfortable in last seasons snowsuit. The healthy lifestyle is an uphill battle for this broad. I don’t really understand the issue though. I drink “light” beer all the time and it doesn’t seem to help! That’s a joke, kids.
The truth is that it f^&(*^@ sucks. It sucks ass. I hate it, and Im not going to deny it. I love sports but unfortunately my volleyball season isn’t an all season sport and slo-pitch just isn’t for me. The fact that it is sponsored by Labatt might make you think otherwise but the truth is that I don’t like to mix fitness-y stuff with booze. That’s a waste of my time as I save my booze time for my socializing time every few weekends. Finding something you love to do to keep fit is not an easy task for those of us who would rather have a Chihuahua chew on your achilles than walk to the corner store for the latest flavour of Lay’s (PS- The new perogy chips are bloody amazing and I cant wait to try the grilled cheese flavoured ones lol) So what is the secret? I really don’t know. But I can share what does and ESPECIALLY what doesn’t work for me.
You really gotta find shit that inspires you. For example, today Lululemon released some new sports bra ads on their website. It shows fit babes getting up in the AM, strapping in their girls, grabbing a piece of fruit and hitting the dusty trail. Its simple, but to me showed the simplicity, the healthiness, and the beauty of determination (and the abs didn’t hurt either) **Watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvbM4N3BlJ4*** Pinterest has also been great for finding good workouts, especially if you are targeting certain areas or need time-based workouts. I for one, do not have time to wander aimlessly around a gym all night so I cant imagine finding gym time for those of you who actually have a life.
I wrote a post in the past about not finding your inspiration out of spite, trying to create jealousy or to look good for someone else. You need to do it for you and you only. That sounds as cheesy as KD (Mmmmm) but its seriously so true. Trust me on this as every single time I have went on a fitness kick (a million) before the last 2 years or so, it was all because of trying to lose weight because I was running into an old flame, someone called me chubby, or bikini season was around the corner. What happened was a short lived burst of psychotic healthy gym behaviour followed by binging on white cheddar popcorn and root beer slurpees while crying in bed watching the cow die in the 1996 smash hit Twister. SO WHAT. I happen to love Helen Hunt. That’s besides the point. Im still chubby. Im still forty f’in pounds heavier than I want. But…. I lost 17 pounds earlier this year, and Ive kept off 10. If youre good at math, youre wondering what happened to the other 7 pounds. Its back on the ass, y’all! And you know why? Cause I have barely moved since April. You know why? Because I went home for the holidays.
Falling-Off-The-Wagon Reason #1 – Holidays
You are not a dog. You don’t deserve seconds on grandmas Easter apple pie because you listened to her talk about her parakeet for the last hour. IF YOURE GOING TO EAT TWO PIECES OF PIE, DO IT BECAUSE YOU DAMN WELL WANT TO. Don’t hesitate and squirm around in your chair while salivating. Just fuckin do it. And then put on your sneakers after grandma is tucked in and go crush a 5km jog. Don’t sit on your ass watching Pay It Forward (although that’s another great Helen Hunt flick) and crying over the hail damage on your thighs. You’ve earned that cellulite. You physically grew that shit all by yourself. Go do something about it if you hate it so much. Don’t hate your body for what YOU did to it. Like Baz Luhrman said, it’s the best instrument you will ever have, so go jack up that bod and quit shoving buns and treats down your gullet because its Christmas or maybe next year Santa will be bringing you some Slim Fast. Stay focused on your plan. You’ve likely been doing great up to this point and now is not the time to stop. Treat yourself within reason and stay on track. And if you have any tips on successfully doing this, fill me in because this is my #1 FAIL ZONE
Sooo I get back home and didn’t get back to the gym. I have no reason or excuse, just too lazy to make the time. Then the gym flooded and its actually STILL closed and wont be re-opening until September. Im not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that I signed up for a half marathon, that I have NO business being in, at the end of September…but that’s hanging over my head like a huge fat kid screaming at me every day which has been motivating.
Staying On The Wagon Reason #1- Sign Yourself Up for Stupid Shit
If signing up for a 5km is going to get you burning rubber on the nearest treadmill, then go do it. Since I do have a rather large streak of competitiveness, not coming in last or having an asthma attack of the start line is quite a motivator. Anyone can do a 5km without barely ANY training, so go sign up for the CIBC Run for the Cure in cities everywhere in October. It’s a great start and you feel like less of a skid because you can do some fundraising for Breast Cancer all while burning off last nights caramel centre, peanut covered drumstick.
Staying-On-The-Wagon Reason #2 Eating Bad is ACTUALLY Gross
Think about it, what are you putting into your body? Your body doesnt want McDonalds. It doesnt want to digest a bunch of grease and cheese. Your health is ALL YOU HAVE. You take your health away and you can’t enjoy shit all. Think of your worst lack-of-health moment. For me, it was a broken ankle in grade nine and I couldn’t participate in sports for about 6 months and it was so shitty. Not only did it suck because I couldn’t play sports, but it affected my social life because it was hard for me to chase boys around. While everyone was playing dodge ball, I had to sit, by myself, pre-iPhone days, on the sidelines . That’s bloody blasphemy. That’s what life will be like ALL THE TIME when you fill up with infections and diseases from being a lazy corn dog eating machine. IT WILL SUCK. And you will probably have cats in numbers of 4 or more.
Staying-On-The-Wagon Reason #3- Make Yourself Accountable
Its probably the most annoying thing in the world, but writing things down is helpful. I keep a little notebook in my gym bag that I write down my workouts (time and style of cardio, sets and reps and weight of weightlifting) and I also write my weight in once a week and also how I felt that day. If I started on the treadmill and felt like garbage, I would take it easy and write down that I felt terrible. I would also write down how much water I was drinking and what I was eating in a different book and even keep track of my sleeping on the SleepCycle app (Thanks, Borks) and when I was feeling real crazy, I could go back in and find out why I had good or bad workouts, relating it to my sleep/food/water intake. This sucks, I know, but you actually feel kind of proud writing in your good days and seeing your progress EVERYDAY. I also have a calendar I mark with a / for working out and a \ for healthy eating and I try to get at least 20 X’s a month. Its fun, surprisingly. Also, if your budget allows, I save all my wrist bands from the gym and put them aside. They are worth $2 each for my next fitness splurge. Makes it fun to work towards lululemons new summer tops, a new pair of kicks or whatever else you need that is fitness related. You can even make each bracelet worth .25 or whatever you can afford. Maybe even make a contest with a friend that whoever hits 20 workouts first gets a free lunch at your favourite place. I don’t know, think of your own shit, I gave you enough ideas now! Im currently working towards a Polar watch. You may have noticed that Im speaking in past tense. That’s because I fell off the wagon in April and tonight it took a painful climb to get back on.
|My little jar of gym bracelets|
|I put stones into a glass to keep a physical reference of how far I have come and how much more to go|
|I was half way at one point!!|
|I keep my goals on my bathroom wall as a reminder of what I am aiming for. |
I also write down nice things people have said to me throughout the fitness journey
I was motivated today after one of my clients came into the salon this morning and we had a real good chat over bleach fumes. Shes in her forties and has a rockin bod. All she does is long distance running (3-5 hours a week) and travels once a year somewhere in the world to run half and full marathons. Knowing this old gal would kick my ass on the track made me want to step it up a notch. After work today, I came home and went for a 40 min jog. It was a nightmare, including visions of being attacked by a german sheperd, running out of water, running around construction sites and inhaling the smoke of some pot heads on the bus bench. But like the words I have seen hanging around on Pinterest, any workout is better than no workout.
That’s enough for tonight. Time for me to go ice my knees and catch up on my Facebook creeping. In the words of a few sex machines, “Til next time, stay fit and have fun!” I leave you with some inspiration...