Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I have been so busy these days that I think Im literally going crazy.... Everything in my life is a mess... everything. My office is upside down, I have no clean laundry and my bathroom counter is dusty. There are no groceries in the fridge and nothing in the cupboards other than some protein powder and some oatmeal. I have piles of mail I need to sort and file, lists of people who I need to make time for phone calls, battery-dead ipods in my dusty gym bag. I haven't been to the gym in months and I havent talked to my brothers or best friends in weeks. To top it off, my car is full of empty coffee cups and subway wrappers. THIS is my life... and somewhere in this hectic hurricane of a life, I realize how much people, especially types like myself, can thrive off this ridiculous pressure. I think when you get used to so many other people depending on you, its so easy to put yourself last. Its strange, but when I sleep in, go golfing, watch a movie, etc. I cant help but feel so guilty because I know there is always work I could be doing. I had a discussion with a rather unintelligent individual recently who judged my situation as "unhappiness" and hoped that it would "all be worth it someday". I tried to nod my head in what you would call a choreographed head shake of agreement but really, it made me sick. Who are we to judge anyone else's happiness? Maybe your happiness will come from a fruit roll-up tucked in the Subway bag for the 4" kids meal (maybe thats just me?) or maybe its from traveling across the world. Could be your favourite Starbucks at the end of a frustrating Safeway trip, maybe its reading a good book on the porch. Is it so wrong of me to find my source of pride and happiness in managing 25 employees and taking my career seriously? Making responsible and somewhat educated moves financially? Wanting to set up a great life for myself and my future family? Am I so miserable for wanting great things for myself, working hard on my own to earn them? I must be, because I haven't seen the Eiffel tower yet? I'll see these things, and Ill travel the world soon enough, I just want something to come back to. So.. theres my thoughts on happiness. However, I do have some goals to work on because being disorganized leads to being late and unprepared. Not talking to my friends and family makes me feel guilty, and of course, I always feel a little left out of the loop. But at the end of the day, I know it will be worth it, because good things come to those who persevere. Off to sleep... praying for better skies!

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